dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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