I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
