Already got asked if we're dating
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
