Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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