Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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