I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
