i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
babies were throwing up all over the place
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
