so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
