Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
