The maid of honor just puked.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
