don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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