the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
