The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
