um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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