I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
from now on my penis is your penis
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
