My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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