Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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