If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
