Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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