I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize