I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
