Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
