Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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