i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
