Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wish you could order shots online.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
