We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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