your room smells of hookers.
And success
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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