How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
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