Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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