Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
