My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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