talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
