You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
