I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
