I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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