She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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