Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
