I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
