Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just forgot I was standing up.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
