if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
