How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
