Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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