He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
