Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
