I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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