there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
