Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
