I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
