Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
