Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When are your genitals available?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
